


Until the Last Ripples Fade

by nawsies



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hunk & Lance brotp, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Original Character Death(s), vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7554310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nawsies/pseuds/nawsies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“She had one request. You know every dying person gets one last death bed request it is just how it goes and she knew she was dying so she asked my parents for one thing. Her only fear was that we would forget her, and I realised how much of a disappointment I must be. How hurt must she be to only have one fucking wish, and I can’t even do that.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the Last Ripples Fade

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still getting a feel for these characters and this is mostly a vent fic for my own emotions so I'm sorry if it's rushed and messy and especially if they come across as a whole lot OOC, please forgive me?

They had finally synced the Altean calendar the Castle of Lions used with the typical calendar back on Earth. Pidge and Coran had done some maths to work out how much time had passed since they had left, they calculated the month, day and even the time on earth and now had a calendar and clock set up in both the dining room and the lounge. Lance didn’t know how to react to it. There was excitement of course, caught up in their joy at cracking the equation and having something of home. But then there was, everything else. It was a punch to the gut to have it set out so clearly just how long they’d been away from home. He’d stared at the date, letting all the birthdays he’d missed, all the family gatherings and events wash over him. He could feel his parents’ worry as though it were his own, how much it would hurt them that he’d just disappeared without a trace. When it truly hit him what day it was, he turned from the clock and threw himself into the party.

It was easy, he wrapped an arm over Keith’s shoulders and pressed a kiss into that god-awful mullet. He teased Pidge about how their eyes were going to go square if they kept obsessing over tech. He ate the weird food goo until he felt like his stomach was going to burst. He danced and sang and joked and did all the things expected of him and no one but Hunk noticed that he left as soon as it was socially acceptable to, no one but Hunk noticed him cast another glance at the calendar and turn away as though the sight burned. Lance gave him a small smile and was glad of Hunk’s steady support as he left with him.

You OK dude?” Hunk asked. “I know that, it’s tough.”

“I will be,” Lance sighed. All of his bravado seemed to have left him, his energy drained by keeping up appearances since it wasn’t like it was anything worth worrying the crew over. “Thanks buddy.”

It was good having Hunk. Lance loved to talk, he loved to fill every silence with chatter, to joke and tell stories and to make people laugh. Nothing made him feel quite as good as making people laugh, even when it was at him and not with him. Perhaps it was because he’d come from such a large family, because growing up with that many people around silence had never been a good sign. Then he’d gone to the Garrison, silence was a discipline there, another skill to be honed and one he’d never really wanted to practise. Since being aboard the Castle of Lions, Lance had experienced other kinds of silences, he still loved chatter and noise and that would never stop he knew it but he also liked this quiet companionable silences. Especially with Hunk. Maybe that was because they’d been so close together on Earth, Hunk was the only real tie Lance had to his old life at home. Sure there was also Pidge but, they’d never been that close and the Garrison didn’t really count as ‘home’.

 Hunk knew everything there was to know about Lance’s family, he’d moved to their neighbourhood when they were kids and when he’d befriended Lance he’d been welcomed into the family with open arms. He’d been there through all the ups and downs and experienced them nearly as strongly as Lance himself. When Lance drifted off into his room, Hunk let him know one more time that it’d be OK, that they were all there for him if he needed them and yeah, this family wasn’t the loud and boisterous family he’d left at home but Lance was so fucking grateful for all of them that he had to close the door quickly before Hunk saw him crying.

* * *

 

It had been four days since the calendar party and Lance hadn’t been himself. Keith had been aware of this but, he’d pinned it on homesickness. Lance had told him so many stories of his family, his childhood, his home that Keith knew there was no wonder it hurt to lose it all, there was a lot to miss. But this was, different somehow. Keith liked to think he knew his boyfriend pretty well even though he was still constantly surprised by new pieces of information, knowing what he did though he was fairly certain there was something up. Which was why when Hunk knocked on his door and told Keith he might want to head to the lounge, he raced there like his life depended on it.

Unfortunately racing didn’t give him much time to think. He had taken off like there was a battle to fight but when he arrived in a quiet room with no plan in mind he was completely lost. He walked over to where Lance was standing. The room was dark save for the light of the clock on the wall and it shone an eerie blue light over Lance which made him seem ethereal and distant. It also emphasised how deeply Lance was pressing his fingers into his upper arms as he wrapped himself smaller and tighter as though he was being ripped apart and was trying to keep himself from drifting off into different pieces in a wormhole. Keith wasn’t sure what to do, he’d seen Lance injured or angry or homesick but he’d never seen him, grieving and he didn’t know how to help. He hadn’t been briefed for this mission and he did not have the words in his heart to make this OK.

“I was nine,” Lance stated before Keith even had a chance to try make things right. “I haven’t told you this story yet, because I can never tell when the right time is to do it and I was nine and that sucks because I don’t know if I’m allowed to still be hurt or if I’m supposed to be over it because I was just a kid but there’s a whole lot of pain that comes because I was just a kid since I didn’t know how to grieve then. My first thought back then was that I had to be strong for my parents because they were falling apart at the seams and they’d looked after me all this time so I could do something for them, I wouldn’t give them my burden to bear you know? Sorry this must make no sense to you I’m rambling. I’ve never actually had to tell anyone.”

Lance ran a hand over his face but moved it back quickly to his arm. He sank slowly to the ground with his legs crossed and arms wrapped tight around him and he looked so small and that was wrong too. Lance was gangly and tall and even when his big awkward limbs weren’t knocking things around to emphasis just how much space he needed his personality filled up all the gaps in the room. Keith plopped himself gracelessly on the floor facing his profile.

“I don’t really know if there’s a better way to say it but, my sister died and I’ve barely thought of her since this mission started,” Lance was gnawing at his bottom lip and his eyes were glistening in the light of the calendar before them. “It was cancer. She was eighteen years old, her whole life was supposed to be ahead of her and yet she never complained. Nurses kept asking her about her pain and she always told them she was okay, god they probably hated that but it wasn’t until the night she died that she told them she was feeling ‘so-so’.”

Lance’s laugh was bitter and it echoed softly in the empty room. Keith wasn’t sure if he should move, if he should hold him or not because it seemed like Lance wasn’t there at all. He was far off somewhere in his head re-living memories and stories told to him and Keith didn’t know if he wanted to be brought out of that place, if he’d thank Keith for comforting him or if he’d resent him for it because this was a catharsis he needed. Keith was painfully aware that he hadn’t said anything since he’d walked into the room but before he could even try, Lance was speaking again.

“She had one request. You know every dying person gets one last death bed request it is just how it goes and she knew she was dying so she asked my parents for one thing. Her only fear was that we would forget her, I’m the youngest sibling, the baby of the family and she asked my parents to tell me stories of her, to fill the house with photos of her even if it hurt because she didn’t want me to forget her. And here I am, in space, with a family that doesn’t even know she exists, no photos, no stories, even I act like she isn’t a part of me and it wasn’t until this fucking calendar reminded me that today is the day she died that I realised how much of a disappointment I must be. How hurt must she be to only have one fucking wish, and I can’t even do that.”

Keith dove closer and wrapped his arms around Lance as his shoulders shook and sobs rattled through him. Lance apologised over and over again as he sobbed and Keith just shook his head against his neck and pressed kisses against his collarbone.

“I am so sorry,” Keith’s voice was barely above a whisper, the lounge had shifted into a church, a shrine to her memory and he didn’t want to over step his bounds. “You are allowed to grieve, you’re allowed to hurt because you’re remembering her. You haven’t forgotten her. You’ve had other things on your mind and that’s good because you’re living, and you’re living for her. Lance she would be so proud of you, you are so brave and self-sacrificing and it infuriates me because I feel like I’ve constantly got to watch to make sure you’re not diving in front of a Galran bullet to protect me. You have her strength. You carry her legacy consciously or not and I know it might not be right for me to speak for her but Lance, she would be so proud of the person you’ve become and she would understand.”

Keith didn’t know if he was helping but he was out of his depth and out of words to say and steadily accepting that this wasn’t an enemy to fight or a pain he could distract Lance from. So he stayed silent, holding Lance tighter so that he didn’t have to keep all his broken pieces together on his own. He hummed as he rubbed one hand over his back, his voice wasn’t as good as Lance’s but he even tried singing. To his great joy it was enough to make Lance laugh, it was a small and weak but it was still good. They sat like that until Lance’s sobs turned to shivers in the cold night air and Keith helped him to his bed, falling in beside him and wrapping himself around Lance’s back, pulling the covers over them and continuing to hold him as close as he could.  

In the darkness Keith made a promise to Lance’s sister, first of all to find out her name, and after that he would shoulder some of the burden, that it had been long enough and it wouldn’t be another hurt for Lance to carry on his own anymore.  He couldn’t take Lance home, he couldn’t defeat the Galran empire so that Lance didn’t have to fight again, but he could press Lance for stories whenever he could, he could see if some AI technology on this castle could bring up a some kind of photo of her, and he could leave stories of her wherever they freed people so people wouldn’t just know their hero the Blue Paladin, but they’d know his hero too. In the darkness Keith swore on all that he held dear, she would be remembered.

**Author's Note:**

> idk, I liked it? 
> 
> Feel free to come chat to me on [tumblr](http://www.dreamsofbooksandmonsters.tumblr.com) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/nawsies)


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